IT'S BEEN A MONTH
14 March 2009
Hi Ash,
Hi Ash,
Yeah, here I am once again. Hope you’re thriving with good health & great spirits. Well, did you read my last letter? I expect you have. So, what was your reaction – surprise and shock or loathing & repugnance? Or was there a feeling of denial that the maybe the letter was not intended for you at all? Maybe it was addressed to the wrong mail id. Clear your doubts, buddy – the letter was intended for you only. Its every word was reaching out to you only.
It’s been one month. One month - seems so long, doesn’t it? But it passes away in a jiffy. Really, time flies away so fast. There are so many things we think we have to do. We plan for them, we prepare for them with meticulous precision. We even complete some of them. But there are others that have to wait. For one reason or other, we fail to finish those chores. And they remain suspended as such, until one day we totally forget those errands. Their fate is to bite dust in some remote corners of our mind. But time – time carries on, in its own pace - too slow for some, scuttling for others - waiting for no one, towards its unknown destination. That’s the writ of the Fates.
Leave these boring things. How was your past month, Ash? Exciting or just the usual stuff? I hope it would’ve been stirring, because for me it was. I had a lot of masti with my friends. We even went to Diamond Harbour . It was a nice place to visit. You see, I enjoy traveling, a lot. Well, let me tell you a secret. It’s one of my cherished dreams. We all have some, don’t we? Dreams for which we live, we die. Well, mine is to travel the whole world – with my soulmate, if possible or just alone. To set out one day, without anyone’s knowledge, with nothing by my side, on my journey to the ends of the earth. To see the world, in its pristine majesty. To shout at the top of my voice at the Niagra Falls . To see how lone & deserted the Australian outback looks from the top of Uluru. To swim in the tidal waters of some secret beach in Thailand . To see the Masaais hunting in the endless plains of Serengeti. To climb the grandiose heights of the snow covered Alps . To douse myself in one of those very rare rains in Paris . Oh, there’s so much to see & so less time. I don’t even know how I am going to complete this dream of mine. Wherefrom am I going to get the money to undertake such a long journey. But that really doesn’t matter, you see. At least, I know what I want. That’s half the battle won. For the rest, I will make it happen some way. I have that much faith in myself.
Oh, see I am so fond of digressing that I even forgot to ask you how your Holi was. Must’ve been rocking, huh? With your friends, smearing colors on each others faces, shouting & doing all sorts of freaky things – Holi has its own charm. Among all the festivals that I celebrate, I think I like Holi the most. With all the raw energy & enthusiasm, holi is an ideal gala for us youngsters. But apart from that there’s another reason that I love Holi. It reminds me of the importance of colors in our life. Just imagine a world devoid of colors, painted in shades of dull grey – how monotonous it’d have been. The blood red sun setting over the endless blue ocean smearing the heavens with a hue of fiery orange, the bright yellow blossoms of mustard peeping out of fresh green fields of some farmer whose wife draped in multicolored finery brings him his lunch – every color has an identity; every color has a story behind it. You know, when I was a child my grandmother used to tell me stories related to colors – how they came to be named as such. I don’t remember them now. Maybe someday when I am able to recall some of them, I will tell them to you. Those sweet stories from my childhood. You see, I don’t remember many things now. But still, I do have their imprints on my mind. Imprints that are indelible. Memories are so akin to these colors of Holi – vivid when fresh; they fade away with passage of time. They become lighter & lighter until one day they blend with their surroundings & fade away into oblivion. Memories & colors are so similar.
Another thing, it rained on the Holi night. It was so thrilling. My sleep was broken by the incessant whoosh of the chilly winds reverberating through the walls of my empty room. To add to the delight, the lights went out suddenly. I went to the rooftop of my house. The drizzle had just begun. After so many days of hot & humid weather, this cold rain was a welcome change. I drenched myself in the rains.
Do you like rains, Ash? Well, it’s a difficult question to ask from someone who has been a victim of the monsoon mess in Kolkata. Even then, I love rains. It is the one thing that has remained constant from my childhood. Actually, rains make me nostalgic. The smell of the first drops of rain on the parched ground brings back the memories of my childhood. The rhythms created by the droplets of rains falling on tin rooftops, getting wet in the rain, running in the waterholes with your friends & splattering mud on each other and floating paper boats in the drains overflowing with muddy water. After all the mischief, coming back home to be scolded by your mother at first, but then to be served with hot tea & tasty pakoras. Those were the days. So full of fun, so careless. Free from all the worries of the world. Sometimes I am forced to think – why can’t we become more like children & less like adults.
How did we lose our innocence, Ash? How did we become so complex? When did we start taking our lives so seriously? How the hell we became so shrewd as to wear masks each day & for every occasion? How?
Perhaps to counter this transformation, I kept my childishness alive, somewhere deep within me. I have been accused of hiding my insecurities behind my childishness & criticized for it. And for once, I’d even decided to do away with my childishness so as to suit others. But the things that I did to make myself delectable to others, made me distasteful to those who cared about me the most. That day, I learnt a lesson. You can’t make everyone happy in this world. You may change yourself in any way you like, but there will be people who will disapprove of you. But the people who love you, who care about you, will never judge you for what you are. Because they love you for what you are, not what you can be. If someone loves you, he must accept you as you are. If he wants to change you, then what was it that he loved in the first place, isn’t it?
Ash, I just want to tell you that I love you as you are, whatever that may be. I accept you for all your worth & for all your shortcomings, too. Whether you accept my love, that’s your decision and I swear, I shall respect it. So just be yourself. I LOVE YOU.
So much for now. I have said so many things, but I feel as if I have still more to say. Like the previous time, I will again ask you to reply, if you trust me (No issues even if you don’t – Reply only when you feel you can trust me). I will catch up with you in my next letter. Till then, goodbye & take care.
With lots of love,
Yours
Ascetic Wanderer
P.S. Never stop drinking tea. That’s the only way I get a glimpse of you.
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