A BRIEF INTERLUDE
14 May 2009
Hello!
What’s up, bud? Must be really busy these days, isn’t it? Well, don’t get so involved in your work that you forget to take care of your health. Or else, you’ll lose your wily cuteness. Oops! Opposite words, aren’t they – wily and cute? For others, maybe. For me they sum up to - of course, you, my dear.
Jokes apart, how was your last month? Anything exciting, huh? You must be really getting bored of the same question posed by me month after month. But what should I do? You never answer me. So, I keep on repeating the same question regularly. Anyways, let me ask you a different question. It’s been four months since I’ve been conversing with you through my letters. I don’t even know if ‘converse’ is the proper word, because it’s me who does all the ‘talking’. And that is precisely my question – Do you really not have any curiosity to know me? To know more about this stupid fellow who keeps on writing letters to you month after month? What do you feel about that person? Is it a sense of bewilderment or a strong feeling of repulsion? I am asking you this, because I want to know if my letters are really reaching you. I have got no idea whether these stupid contemplations of mine make any impression upon you. But I would love to know, if you wish to share your feelings.
Sitting here in my room, writing this letter to you, I am thinking where this mess is going to lead me to. Does it have an end? If yes, then I can’t see it at present. And perhaps I am aware that this is nothing but a futile attempt on my part to find the love of my life. The stupid that I was, I wanted to plot the course of my life on my terms. But today I feel so helpless, when I discern that I have no control over my life. Or else, why would’ve I fallen for you? Why would have I loved you?
Who knew love would be so difficult? Love, after all, happens in a jiffy. If people really gave so much thought, would they dare love anyone? But still, a part of my heart believes, they would. Even with the understanding that love involves pain, people would like to fall in love again and again. Because, in spite of the pain & the grief involved, love soothes, love heals, love uplifts the soul. Love has the power to pull us out of the nadir of sorrows & misfortunes. But alas! I don’t have that love. I shall not lie. I expected it of you. But you have your own reservations. And I don’t blame you. It’s your life, and it’s your decision. I can only abide by it.
Well, leave these things. Just now a thought descended upon my mind. It’s always that I am talking about my life, my hopes, my aspirations, but I’ve never asked you about yours. What is your aim in life, Ash? What is the thing that you are passionate about & would really do anything to achieve? What’s the goal of your life?
You know, we all need to have some aim in our life. Life is nothing but a chaotic succession of events. We, as human beings, are supposed to bring order out of this chaos. The river always flows towards the sea. The fire always rises towards the heaven. Here, the sea & the heaven symbolize the aim of the river & the fire, respectively. In the same way, we need to have an aim in life. It may be anything – to achieve a particular point in your career ladder, to do something in your life that you love to do or even, to gain someone’s love. An aim is necessary because it gives meaning to our chaotic lives. This aim, this emotional hook steers your life. Find the hook, dear, if you haven’t. Just give it a thought, Ash. How do you want to bring meaning to your life?
As for me, I have told you about my aim in a previous letter. Yeah, to travel the whole world. I had told you in my previous letter that I've an innate incapability to stay still. I’ve been, should I say, condemned to the life of a wanderer. I can’t stay at one place for a very long time. I’ve been damned to leave behind my ties & start off on a new journey. Every time I reach a new place, I resolve that I will not just leave this time. This is the final journey. But with time, my heart becomes restless. I long for the joy of being in transit. As the days proceed, I know that I’ve to follow the call of my destiny. And then, one day, I do what I am best at – running away. Running away from those I love, running away from those I hate. Running away from life, running away from everything.
In a way, running away for me has become a kind of redemption. Redemption for all the wrongs that I have inflicted upon those who loved me. I have hurt many people, Ash. I do admit it. Because, now I clearly see how my utterings have wounded the people who wanted nothing but my good. By running away, I try to redeem myself. Maybe, one day I’ll be strong enough to ask for their forgiveness. That day, I will make a return journey. That’ll be my solitary spiritual quest to obtain the ultimate absolution.
You must be wondering, why the hell is this person always so grave, isn’t it? Always talking about hefty things in life, never rejoicing in the lighter moments. Yeah, it is true to some extent. Sometimes, some events, some experiences in your life force you to change your outlook towards life. Sometimes, they make people more serious, sometimes more casual. Perhaps, something on similar terms has happened with me. Maybe, someday I will find the strength to disclose everything to you. But rest assured, I am not such a grim person as I may appear in my letters. This delusion of yours (if there is any) will vanish when you meet me (And God knows when is that going to happen).
I'm sorry but I think I've reached the end of today's monologue. Yeah I know, this time it's too small. To compensate, the next one will be lengthy enough. Still, another long month before I bore you again. So, how are you going to spend this month without my unusually stretched blabbering. Here’s a suggestion from your unknown friend. Just love somebody, Ash. And see how the world around you changes so rapidly. Everything appears new, everything’s different. The songs of the birds become more melodious while the blossoms become more fragrant. The days become soothing & the nights warmer. It seems as if the whole nature joins in to celebrate your joys. Fall in love, dude. It’s an experience that you must never miss. Yes, there’s a little pain in it. But still the happiness it abounds, more than justifies the pain. And yes, do not forget to share your joy. It will increase a thousand fold. Moreover, I would love to listen to your experience about love. After all, who shall be gladder than me on your happiness? Take Care & keep smiling. Till next time, good-bye.
With lots of love,
Only Yours,
Ascetic Wanderer
Only Yours,
Ascetic Wanderer
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